This past week marked the one year anniversary of a tragic event. Many of you will recall a good friend of ours was surprised by an intruder in his home one year ago. The intruder was violent and high and a horrible struggle resulted in our friend shooting and killing the man. The violation caused by the events surrounding this death have dramatically affected the life of our good friend. The loss of security, the uncertainty surrounding the outcome of the justifiable homicide investigation, the physical and psychological damage that was done has forever changed an honorable, strong, and decent man.
Our friend mentioned that he was upset because he was being harassed by the family of the slain intruder. A neighbor, leaving early in the morning found a poinsettia and a candle in his driveway on the day before the anniversary. The neighbor kindly removed it because she "didn't think he needed to see them." Then around midnight on the anniversary, the same neighbor called neighborhood security to have them disband a group who were standing in the driveway holding a candlelight vigil for the slain man. When security arrived, they were quickly dispersed.
These events have resulted in increased security in this neighborhood and a feeling of anger over the harassment and a heightened concern for their safety.
This scenario has been banging around in my head for days now. What is our need for remembrances at the sight of a violent death? Is it possible that the cultural gulf here is so wide that what appears as harassment is more a deep shame mixed with a need to acknowledge the place where the brother, son and uncle died a horrible death? What would we do if one of ours committed such a horrible crime? How can a good man who is forced to kill in order to protect his own home and life not be angry at such an intrusion?
I'd like to think that if one of ours commmitted such a crime, we would feel and express the shame and remorse that the deceased perpetrator cannot. But, who can say for sure? Why can't the family of the intruder mourn their loss without violating the victim, yet again. And once again, our criminal justice system seems to protect the rights of the criminal over the rights of the victim to the point that the titles 'victim' and 'criminal' become interchangeable. Which is which? I see why this continues to invade your peace. Give our best to him, your friend.
ReplyDeletePosted for Mommadogg235@aol.com
ReplyDeleteHi Meja - as you can tell, I still have no idea how to write a comment to your latest blog. I have thought about it since last night and it has taken me some time to get my thoughts in order. I remember when I heard about this horrible incident you describe. Horrible, not because someone lost their life but horrible because of what your friend has suffered. He valiantly served our country and yet his worst nightmare happens in his own safe environment that has been shattered beyond what we can understand. I work with families who to this day cannot put into perspective the "why" and that's because there is no rhyme or reason - only that their life has changed in a way where they chose to survive and from there you move on - hopefully to become a stronger person in some unknown way and you shout to the skies that you're alive and, again, you move on to another level.
The way this person chose to die was his choice when he entered your friend's home. The fact that his family choses to make this person a martyr is their f.....-up perspective. This happens over and over again in the courtrooms when the scum person who made the decision to do their horrible deed is only seen as the innocent one by their families. Again, no rhyme or reason.
I don't know your friend but I know you and I also know you hurt for him. You tell him as often and you can how proud you are that he is your friend.
I love you.